Happiness When You Work

Overcome Inner Conflicts and

Gain the Support You Need

by Doris Helge, Ph.D. © 2012

All of us create anxiety because we have two cravings that conflict like a grizzly bear and a hunter. We long to feel safe and secure, but we become bored without appropriate challenges. We crave personal and professional growth but this requires taking risks.

Only when we feel assured that our basic needs are met will we passionately devote energy, time, focus and attention to an inner call to do the meaningful work that our unique DNA has prepared us to achieve. Because we’re hardwired to assist in the survival of our species, we all yearn to leave a positive footprint on this planet.

We’re also hardwired to require the support of other humans, especially in an increasingly complex world and global economy. What a shame that most people don’t know how to gain the support system they need and communicate their unmet needs.

WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GAIN THE SUPPORT YOU NEED?

Do you ever feel that asking for or accepting help is a sign of weakness? An admission that you are incapable or overextended? If so, your self-worth may be linked with achievement, even if the demands imposed on you are unreasonable. Here’s a short exercise that can help you clear this hurdle whether you’re self-employed, an employee or in a leadership position.

  1. Get a pen and paper and spend a minimum of five minutes completing each of the following unfinished sentences, which are related to your ability to ask for assistance and meet your basic needs. It’s important to keep your pen moving on your paper, so write whatever comes into your mind. If you have no thoughts, just scribble on the page until your thoughts become clear.
  • “I’m waiting until . . . “
  • “I’ll ask for help when . . . “
  1. Review your answers, without judging them as right or wrong. How does waiting keep you from meeting your own needs?
  2. Record at least one reason that receiving what you need will benefit your organization or coworkers.
  3. Write down the next action you’ll take so you can secure more professional support and gain more happiness when you work. What do you need to request? When will you do so?
  4. Anticipate any potential resistance to your request and identify your response to possible challenges.
  5. Practice presenting your idea as a win-win approach that will benefit everyone concerned.

DON’T CHEAT THE OTHERS

Stacks of studies about altruism have indicated that other people feel good when you ask for help and allow them to assist you. Your request boosts their self-esteem.

Consider the following myth-busting facts

about meeting your needs.

 

  • Meeting your needs is not selfish. Needs such as, “I need to enjoy the people I’m working with” and “My work must be meaningful” are different than desires like, “I want to make over a million dollars this year.” When your needs are met, you are more effective.
  • You are ultimately responsible for identifying and meeting your needs. Your colleagues, employer, friends and family may never perceive your needs, partly because your needs may be very different than theirs. You are the ideal spokesperson for yourself. No one else will ever understand you as well as you do.
  • You must take responsibility for communicating your unmet needs in ways that ensure you’ll be understood by other people. If you don’t communicate your needs, they will probably continue to be unfulfilled. When you do meet your needs, emotional turmoil will transform into contentment.
  • It is not a sign of weakness to ask other people for help. It is a sign of inner strength and high self-esteem. You’re saying, “I deserve assistance.”
  • It is often selfish not to ask for help when you need it. Our society works best when all of us contribute our unique talents and skills. When you request support from someone else, you’re complimenting them by recognizing and honoring their strengths.
  • You do not lose respect when you ask for assistance. You connect with the core humanity of other people. None of us has the time or is capable of doing everything that needs to be done, and we all sometimes need assistance. Whether they are aware of it or not, other people help themselves when they lend you a hand.

CREATE HAPPINESS WHEN YOU WORK BY RECEIVING SUPPORT

Rather than stand on the sidelines wishing your needs were fulfilled, become an active participant in the great game of giving and receiving. Tell other people how meeting your needs will serve the greater good. Contribute to the lives of other people by allowing yourself to receive the support you deserve.

[box color="silver" type="round" icon="book_open"]© 2012. Excerpted with permission from the #1 Bestselling book, “Joy on the Job” by Doris Helge, Ph.D. With over 20 years of experience, award-winning, Certified Master Coach Dr. Doris, has a proven track record of helping people like you enjoy meaningful work and relationships, including powerful professional partnerships. Enjoy life-changing videos at http://CoachingByDoris.com/videos. Download your free ebooks and see client testimonials at www.FreeJoyEbooks.com. You can also sign up for a free teleclass. You may reprint this article as long as it remains intact and proper attribution is given.[/box]

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